So...

Yes...wala na kami.
For the past grueling week...it was finally brought into my senses. i dont know if im suppose to blog about this or if i can already blog about this. 3 years, 9 months and 17 days of pure serenity and bliss. we have our petty quarrels and stuffs but i consider it as a challenge. you've slowly build that picture for days and years then it crashes before your very eye in a second or two. its just devastating. i couldnt stop crying. its been a week. or more than na. maybe ill blog about it next time. hindi pa ngayon.

I cant miss Al's bday last saturday so i literally dragged myself to Seventy7. feels so bad and the pain is so great it feels so numb already.its scary. yes, for awhile i was able to escape that loneliness state. thank you Nino...Al and Aj and Kurt. thank you for the hugs. un lang alam ko na mahal na mahal nyo ako. na hindi nyo ako iiwan. i thought getting drunk can take away the pain. well, i only had like one bottle of beer and 4-5 glasses of wine. i lost count actually. i was crying at the back seat. i can tell Aj and Al didnt know what to say. when we got to Aj's place, she just embraced me. i weeped. that was the first time i weeped to her. when i got in front of my house. i didnt want to leave Al's car. i was too scared. we talked for a few minutes or so. i opened our front door and sat on our rocking chair. i started to cry again. then i fell asleep. when i woke up it was about 3 in the morning. got up and there goes the alcohol starting to kick in. i was able to manage to get a quick shower. i cant control already. my head started to get numb. and so i thought i was going to faint. i need to control. mind over matter. for a week i havent slept for like 6 hours straight. binabawian na ako. when i got to my bed. i literally passed out. didnt know what happened next.